


Merry christmas

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gen, Hurt & Comfort, Implied self harm but only if you’re squinting and looking for it, family dysfunction, parallels god I love parallels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22220032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Emma isn’t a Christmas person
Relationships: Emma Perkins & Henry Hidgens, Paul Matthews/ Emma Perkins
Comments: 8
Kudos: 78





	Merry christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry I meant to upload this at Christmas but I’ve been wicked depressed lately but I thought i’d Finish it up before January at least

“Come on, come on! Shhh!” Emma tugged at Jane’s hand, rushing her down the hallway. “Look! Look! Santa came! He really did!” 

Her older sister giggled, crouching down to get a view of the artificial Christmas tree in their living room, the red and blue fairy lights still flashing and sparkling from the night before. 

Emma crouched down too, her hands on her sister’s back. “Look at that big one!” She gaped. “I bet that’s gotta be bigger than both of us.” 

“It’s huge,” Jane agreed. 

“I wanna go get a look,” she told her. Christmas was never the biggest celebration, they weren’t a very well off family and they were grateful with what they could get. But there were less presents than usual this year, and the little they had seemed to be on Jane’s side of the tree. She wanted to just take a closer inspection, maybe she was missing something. 

She got down on all fours, creeping up towards the couch. 

It always made Jane giggle when she did it, because she had adopted the stance of a cat in hunting so closely it made her look silly. Emma could never get her back to level with her head. 

“Watch, watch!” She chuckled back to her sister, who was still hiding in the archway. She reached up slowly to pull herself onto the top of the couch to get a full view of the tree, but her sneaking was interrupted. 

“Good morning!” Her dad’s voice bellowed as he stomped into the living room. He was a christmassy man. He scooped one hand under Emma’s stomach to swoop her off her feet and hold her up. 

It was uncomfortable and she couldn’t breath right but she still gave a breath chuckle because she wasn’t in trouble yet it seemed. 

“What’s all this sneaking about for? I hope you two aren’t trying to open your presents early.” 

“No dad!” Jane squealed, running into the living room to throw her mother into a hug. “We wanna see what that big present is!” 

“Well that’s for you, Jane! Why don’t you open it?” He ushered the little girl over to the tree. “You must’ve been an extra good girl this year!”

In his other hand, he was still holding onto Emma under the stomach. It was starting to hurt now, and wasn’t fun anymore. Especially now that Jane got to open up a big present. Where was hers? 

“Dad,” she kicked one leg. “Daddy can you put me down?” She struggled to get the words to come out clear. 

“You can hold on until your sister has opened her present. You’re little and we don’t want you breaking it,” he warned her in a growly voice. 

“I wanna open a present too. Mum, can I have a present?” But her mother was too busy watching Jane’s little hands scrabble at the shiny wrapping paper, tearing it all away. 

Excitement still fluttered in her chest. It was Christmas Day after all, what could go wrong? So she wriggled forward so her dad’s hand wasn’t squishing her stomach, and got herself as comfy as possible to watch the unraveling. 

Jane gave an excited squawk at the art kit she had just unwrapped. It came with paints and watercolour pens and sketchbooks and a canvas, even an easel. 

“Did Santa get it right my darling?” Her mother asked dotingly. 

Jane nodded and nodded and nodded, so happy she could barely contain herself. “I’m going to paint you a painting, mum! It’s going to be great! And I’m going to draw you something with my new watercolours, dad!” 

“That’s my girl,” her father chuckled, bringing her over to ruffle her hair and dumping Emma aside. 

Emma rolled onto the couch, looking at the Christmas tree upside down to scope out where her presents might be. “Ooh!” She couldn’t hide her excitement. Last year, Jane had gotten a bike, and it was so big it couldn’t stay under the Christmas tree. Maybe she had gotten a bike this year too! She turned back onto her stomach, sliding off the couch with a hop. 

“Can I choose one? Can I choose one?” She bounced up and down, pointing at the little stack under the tree. 

Her parents exchanged looks before nodding. “Yes, you can open one while Jane is setting up her arts.”

Emma squealed, picking out a little present wrapped in golden paper. Inside was a new pencil case. She cooed at it, but she was sure there was better to come. She wasn’t really artsy or studious, but it was still fine! It was black with a pirate’s skull and crossbones over the side, so she was sure that when she needed it, it would be great. 

“Jane, why don’t you open another?” 

Emma sat down on the floor as her sister unwrapped another great present. A shiny new dress she could wear to the family Christmas party. 

Emma sat with her legs stretched out in front of her, tapping her feet together. Surely, they were just saving the best for last. There had been a new toy out at the mall, a giant play pirate ship. She had been talking about it all year and had written it down in her letter to Santa. 

But then the pile got smaller and smaller, and while Jane had gotten just about everything she had asked for, Emma had only gotten a few little pieces. One or two things off her list, and some smaller, generic gifts. 

“Are you all happy?” Her mother asked, helping Jane sort her gifts. 

Emma still gave a smile, but she couldn’t hide her disappointment. She really thought she had been good, she had been putting effort into her classes all year round and doing what her parents told her. 

She fiddled with her fingers as her mother helped Jane carry her presents to her room.

“What’s that face for, Emma?” Her father questioned.

Emma shrugged, trying to make her smile a little wider. 

“Are you not happy? Did you expect more?”

Emma shook her head. She wasn’t going to act spoilt. But she bit down on her lip and lowered her eyes so he could see them watering. 

“Maybe then you weren’t a very good girl this year,” he chided. “Try again next year. You can start by going and getting dressed for Christmas lunch.”

Emma nodded, picking up her things from the floor.

“Your sister did very good this year. You should just be more like her.“

That’s what she heard every year. And she always tried but sometimes she couldn’t help it. Sometimes it was boring to still still and be quiet at dinner time, and it was boring not to be allowed to talk to her sister when she was studying, it was hard not to cry when things weren’t fair. 

“And Emma,” her father called as she was pattering down the hall.

She froze. “Yes?” 

“You better not start it with the crying this year.” 

“I won’t, dad, I promise.”   
———————————————————

“Good morning, Emma!” Came Jane’s voice singing down the hall as she swung open the bedroom door. 

Emma was still half-asleep, it took her a second to figure out what was going on.   
She curled her hands up tightly in her blanket.   
Jane had come home for Christmas Day. 

“Hey, Jane,” she gave a tired smile. She’d prefer to go back to bed. 

“Hey, mum and dad are waiting for you to get up! Don’t you want to come see what you got this year?” 

“I’m not getting anything this year,” she chuckled, closing her eyes and rolling over. “I’m not done sleeping.” 

“Aw, Emma!” Jane came over to sit on the side of the bed. “You used to love it as a kid!” 

“‘Caus I believed in Santa and all his magic Christmas powers,” she snickered at her own stupidity. “So I thought if I tried really hard I would get cool presents, but then I found out it was really just mum and dad,” she pulled the sheets up over her eyes. She wasn’t getting out of bed early just to watch Jane open up all her fancy presents. 

“Come on, Emma! We all want to eat breakfast, we’re just waiting for you to get up!” 

Emma groaned. She didn’t really get up anymore per-say. If it was up to her she wasn’t going to have the energy or will to get up from bed until her father came in yelling at her to start helping around the house. But until then, laying in bed kept her very unnoticed. 

“Dad says you’re always sleeping in though,” Jane moaned, giving her a fake punch to the shoulder. 

She didn’t really appreciate the gesture. “Yeah, I am a little.” 

“Mum says she thinks you’ve got an iron deficiency or something,” Jane giggled. “You’re just staying up late, right? Any cool high school parties?” 

Emma wasn’t allowed to go to many parties. She wanted to laugh at how oblivious her parents could be sometimes. It didn’t take a genius to figure out where all of Emma’s energy had gone. “Nah, Jane. I’m just tired.” 

“Come on. Promise me you’ll be out there in five minutes, alright?” 

“No,” she grumbled sleepily, pressing her head back down into her pillow. “You can start without me.” She breathed in the silence for a second, she couldn’t tell what face Jane was making when she wasn’t looking and that was as much reprieve from her disappointment as she could get. But then she felt her sister’s hands run up her side and she shot up with a strangled and breathless laugh, the sheets rustling and tangling around her legs. “Jane!” 

“Get up!” 

“Don’t tickle me!” She pushed her older sister’s hands off. “Okay, okay, I’ve got it! Five minutes!” 

“Oh yay!” Jane got up, clapping her hands. “I’ll go tell mum and dad!” She skipped out, still holding the joy of a child in her gait. 

Emma slumped up against the wall as the door shut. Now she knew when she got out there she’s get a wave of ‘we’ve been waiting for you forever! You slept in so long! Hurry up!’ 

She let her head fall forward into her lap, tired already. Her gut felt sick at the idea of going out there and facing everyone, but she didn’t want to seem suspicious. 

She heaved herself out of bed, dragging herself over to the mirror to stare into her eyes. She looked like shit, it was almost funny. She groomed her hair with her hands, trying to cover the paleness of her face. 

She was consciously fighting the urge to just collapse back in bed and go to sleep again, but she picked up a hoodie off her messy floor and burrowed into it. She fished into her drawer to grab a pin to hold her unwashed hair out of her eyes.

She didn’t want to go out there. 

She pulled out her phone, not really sure what she was doing that for. She certainly wasn’t expecting any Christmas messages from the only two acquaintances she had, and she really didn’t want to see any of the happy family Christmas photos rolling in. 

Time was up. She quietly turned the door knob, pushing it open to catch a glimpse of the Christmas cheer unfolding.   
A heavy feeling settled in her chest. 

She trudged down the hall, putting on a good morning smile and pulling out her seat at the table. “Hi.” 

“You took your time this morning!” Her dad greeted her, already buttering up some toast. “Do you want pancakes or eggs?” 

“I’m not hungry, I’ll wait till lunch.” 

“Suit yourself,” he said. 

It was a little funny how many hints she could drop about how little she cared for her health, her family wouldn’t pick up on a single one.   
She didn’t have anyone in her life to notice that something might be wrong with her. There was no one to stop her ripping her life apart or offer her some help. 

She closed her eyes through breakfast, resting her head in her hands so she could nod off for a second. She wouldn’t miss anything. 

The present giving was as tragic as she expected. She lounged out across the couch with her hands in her hoodie pockets and one headphone in her ear in preparation for needing to block out anything out. 

Jane got her fair share of presents as if she wasn’t supposed to notice the difference when she got less than half of what Jane’s pile ended up to be.

She didn’t really care, she didn’t want anything this year. She was pretty surprised she got anything at all. Her favourite present was a camera that Jane had bought her. And then, with the festivities wrapped up until lunch it was time to go back to bed. 

——————————————————— 

“Hey Em! Wake up!” Came Paul’s cheerful voice. 

Emma awoke with a start, scrambling upright and trying to collect herself. 

“Merry Christmas!” He told her with a smile. He was standing in the doorway, already dressed in his dumb Christmas sweater. “I made you breakfast!” 

“Ugh,” Emma rubbed her eyes. She had forgotten that was today. “Thanks babe,” she yawned, reluctantly pulling herself out of bed to go and rest her head on his chest. 

“Morning,” he smiled, rubbing her back. “Come eat and then get dressed, we’re going to Hidgens’.”

Emma bit down hard on her tongue. “Since when?” 

“I organised it with him. We can’t leave him alone on Christmas Day can we?” He grinned, ushering her on to the kitchen. 

The christmas lights Paul had left on from the night before were still twinkling in the corner of her eyes. Gross, festivity. 

She still hated this day even as an adult. There was no obligation to enjoy or even celebrate it, and yet she still had to.   
She liked a lot of things about Paul, but his love for the holiday season was not one of them. 

“Melissa says Merry Christmas,” Paul was packing things up to put in the car, one hand checking his phone. 

“Merry Christmas, Melissa,” she called back, sticking her fork into her mouth and pausing to stare off into nothingness.

“I got the professor some composition paper for Christmas, would he like that?” 

She nodded. “He’s been needing some.” She pushed her half finished plate away to go find something decent to wear. 

She wasn’t getting into any of those matching Christmas sweaters Paul had bought. Just leggings and a sweater. 

“Charlotte says merry Christmas,” Paul swung into the bedroom, holding out his phone. “You look great, Emma!”

“Thanks, Paul.” She grabbed a beanie to throw on over her messy hair.

They finished packing gifts into the back of their car and got on their way.   
For Christmas, Emma had grown Paul and Hidgens some plants she thought suited them. It was hard keeping Paul away from the flower beds but she was pretty proud of herself, honestly. 

“You’re a little quiet today, hun, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just not a Christmas person.” 

“I know. But it’s gonna be okay, okay?”

She gave him an uncertain smile. “Okay,” she shrugged. 

She picked up his phone for him when it buzzed so he wouldn’t be distracted from the road. “Bill says merry Christmas to us,” she read aloud. “He asks if we’ll see him sometime soon.” 

Paul nodded. “Yep. I’m getting lunch with him and Alice tomorrow. I’m going out for dinner with my parents tonight, by the way. I don’t suppose you want to come?” 

She shook her head. “I’m not a christmas guy. I don’t want to intrude on a happy family dinner.” 

He nudged her. “Thought so. Maybe I’ll leave you at Hidgens’ place and you can keep each other company.”

She nodded. She’d prefer to spend it alone actually, but seeing Hidgens was nice. 

“Remind me to wish Ted a good day too, later,” Paul asked.

Emma rolled her eyes. “Ted? Well he hasn’t said anything to us.”

He patted her hand where it was resting on the console. “Yeah, but it’s the nice thing to do. The Christmas spirit!” He turned back to the road and lowered his voice, “Ted won’t really be with anyone for Christmas anyways. He’ll probably appreciate it.”

When they parked, she grabbed her presents from the boot but before she even got to the door Hidgens had sprung out with an excitable greeting. “Good morning, you two!” He stood in the door blocking the entrance. 

“Good morning, Hidgens,” she gave him a quick hug. “Merry Christmas.” 

“And merry Christmas to you too, dear!” He ruffled her hair. 

Paul went to shake Hidgens’ hand but the professor pulled him in for a hug too. 

“Don’t be so formal!” He teased. “Now, are we ready?” He gave a teasingly knowing look. 

Paul elbowed Emma, and she looked over to see he had the same look on his face. “Close your eyes, Emma.”

“Huh?” She hesitantly raised up an arm, waiting for someone to explain.

“Uh uh!” Hidgens grinned. “You too, young man! The both of you, close your eyes.”

Paul’s jaw dropped with surprise, but he nodded and shut his eyes. 

Emma cautiously shut her eyes. She didn’t like surprises. 

She felt Hidgens slip his hand into hers to guide her through the hallway and the both of them shuffled along after him.   
“You’re worrying me, Hidgens.” 

“No, nonsense! No reason to be worried!” 

She could tell he was leading them down the path to the living room. “Now, stand right here and-“ he put his hands on Emma’s shoulders to adjust her, and did the same to Paul. “You can open them!” 

When she blinked open her eyes she almost let go of her bags out of shock. She slapped her other hand to her forehead, wanting to shut her eyes again. “Hidgens!” She gasped.

“Woah!” Paul echoed her surprise. “That’s a lot of gifts!” 

“Oh it’s nothing! I’m old, what else do I have to be spending my money on?” He tutted. “Go and grab a seat and we can open them.” 

“Uh, Hidgens!” Emma stammered again, “this is way too much!” God. There were boxes everywhere. More than she had ever seen at once, although to be quite fair that wasn’t really many in the first place. They were all wrapped neatly in silver paper and ribbon with shiny tags, swarming the tree and getting lost in all of the tinsel and lights. She couldn’t count them. 

“Well some of these are from Paul, too,” Hidgens chimed in. 

“Paul!” Emma gaped. “We don’t have that sort of money!” She hissed, her jaw slack. 

“Yes we do! I’ve been saving up for this, don’t worry,” he offered up a little smile, trying to take her hand but she couldn’t take it off her forehead. 

Emma felt stuck to the floor. She had no prepared reaction, so she just stared, trying to keep it all down in her head. “This is a lot of presents, I didn’t know we were doing this, I don’t have this many presents to give I-“ her hands gripped at the bag handles. 

“This is about me spoiling you, dear,” Hidgens explained. “I was thrilled but not surprised that Paul decided to make it a competition I suppose. But I had to win, and so I decided to spoil the both of you.” He clapped his hands together, gesturing out to the tree in his living room. “Would you like to open them?”

Emma’s jaw was getting shaky. Never had she gotten to go first. She just couldn’t. “Uh,” She held up her bags with a bashful laugh. “I got these, I mean I grew them for you guys.” 

Hidgens took the bags to look into them. “Oh, Emma! How long did this take?” 

“A month at most, I don’t know, I grew you some sedums, Professor. I thought they matched you.” 

“Oh, dear,” he covered his mouth with his hand for a second as he slowly set the bag down. “That’s so sweet, dear.”

“They do pretty well inside, so, you know, I know you prefer indoors so you can look after them in your lab.” Why did she feel like she was going to cry?

“And Paul I grew wax flowers for you, I know that has an ugly name but they’re pretty, I promise.” She leant down to grab her second bag to hurry the pot out of its resting place to push it over to Paul. 

“Wow, Emma! They are! Where were you growing them?” He asked. 

She was actually too shaken up to continue talking. The plants were all she had to offer, and now she was being told half this living room was gifts for her. This was more than Jane had ever gotten. “I can’t open these,” she pocketed her shaky hands. “I don’t deserve something as big as this.” 

“Oh be quiet, Emma! Why wouldn’t you? You’ve worked hard all year, and this is just what hard workers deserve.” He took her around the shoulder to push her over to the tree, handing her a box from underneath. 

She wouldn’t take it, she pushed it back into his hands. “Paul should open one first!” She insisted. Why were her legs shaking? 

“Okay, sit down Emma,” Hidgens cooed, sitting her down on the couch. “You aren’t looking too good. Let’s take it slowly then, shall we?” 

Emma nodded. “Yeah. Take it slowly. Paul, you go. You don’t have to wait for me.” She waved him over to the tree. 

Paul chuckled and sat down on the couch besides her. Hidgens took the gesture and took her other side. 

With a shudder and a heave she sunk down into the cushions. 

“Are you feeling a bit overwhelmed?” He took her hand to run circles into it with his thumbs. “It’s alright, honey.” 

Emma leant her head down to Paul’s shoulder. “You two are way too much for me.” 

“Well Emma, you can deserve it!” Hidgens crooned, trying again to pass her a present. 

She risked the feeling of taking the present, but instead of feeling guilty she felt like a child again. She was excited, curious to see what he could’ve gotten her. 

It was like the two of them had taken it upon themselves to make up for all the years she had missed. 

Christmas had just never been a good memory for her, but maybe for once she could have a good Christmas. 

Maybe for once she could celebrate with people she loved. 

And maybe for once she could let herself think she really did deserve it.


End file.
